.Peculiar Baby. {7} -IUI-

14 months.
 We have been through quite a bit the last month and half with all of this. Dr. Moffitt had me come in to have an ultra sound done where they inject iodine and make sure there is no blockage anywhere. Check! Passed that one with flying colors. 
That next day I started clomid, and luckily I had no funny side effects which is always a huge relief.
 Later that week they had me come back in for more blood work and to check how many eggs I had (basically to see how I responded to the clomid). Check! So far, so good!
One week later, I went in and Dr. checked my eggs once again, I had 3 (the 4th was almost there, but not quite the size as the others, that's ok tho), they were a perfect size, Levi's test came back perfect, so on "paper" there is no reason why we haven't gotten pregnant in the months past. So the doctor approved everything for an IUI and said "Let's get you a baby!". I cried, so anxious, excited, scared, nervous, and all of the above. Finally we are getting closer. 
That same night at 11:30pm Levi had to give me a trigger shot in my belly. Fun for him, not me.
 2 days later at 8am we had to be in Phx. Levi's appointment was first, then mine was at 9:30. The nurse was the one who performed the procedure, who we love, and were totally comfortable and confident with her. She explained to us that they only need 5 million swimmers to have this done, and well...Levi had 9x that. Hoping one of those 44 million will find it nice and cozy up there! The procedure went great, not too many side effects besides headaches every day from the hormones I have to take daily, twice a day.
Then the waiting game...
Longest 2 weeks of my life.
Sadly...it did not take this round and we are not pregnant. 
Yesterday all I could do is think about was us being parents. I went to lunch with 3 of my best friends and one of them turned to me and asked if I was ok. I told her I was just sad, and as soon as she said "I'm sorry", I completely lost it. She held my hand while I cried harder than I ever have.
I felt numb for the rest of the day. Cried a few more times. Took a 4hr nap. Sipped on some Diet Coke. And cuddled up to Levi while watching movies.
I try my hardest to not think "why" and to just remember there is a time and a place for everything. I know my Father in Heaven has a plan for me. We are going through this trial for a reason, for what I do not know, but I do know it will only make us stronger and closer to Him.
This month I will:
Have a clearer mind.
Attend the temple more than once.
Ask Him more of "help me to understand" and less "why".
Start training for a Sprint Triathlon.

We were considering attempting another IUI in November, but we may wait until next year. The last 14 months of "trying to time" everything just right has been a little overwhelming and exhausting. And even tho people always say "you get pregnant when you're not thinking or stressing about it", I have a feeling I will never not think about it.
I have to go in for more blood work later this week to check my levels. I have no idea what is next, but I know everything will be ok.
So until we do go in for another IUI, I will become a better me. Spiritually and Physically. No more excuses.

"Faith is not about everything turning out OK; Faith is about being OK no matter how things turn out."


  1. Hang in there beautiful! I'm so sorry for this trial, and I admire your courage and optimism!

  2. Hey Emily,
    I don't know if you remember me Brookie Brooks). It's funny that I came accross your blog because I have been through all of that with the same Doc! My husband and I tried for 4 yrs to get pregnant. Afer 2 years of trying we were sent to Doc M. I loved him at first but after a horrible heart wrenching experience we decided to stop seeing him. Then 2 years later of just forgetting about "TRYING" even thouhg in my heart every month I was, We got pregnant on our own with no Docs. I misscarried at 5 weeks. Well the following month we were pregnant again. Now I have a perfectly healthy baby boy that Just turned 1 a few days ago. I hope you don't mind me sharing all this with you. I just know exactly how it is. I don't care if you try 6 months, 1, 10yrs to have an angel baby it's still so hard no matter what. Emily, I know you will. My experience made me learn patience and trust in my Heavenly Fathers Plan. I know he was just teaching me something I needed to learn. Love you and will keep you in my prayers for my heart always does for those mothers that are trying to have a Babe of their own. I would love for you to call, text or email me and I can tell you my CRAZY story with Doc M!!! I could of been on Time Magazine. seriously. Ok Loves!!!

  3. Oh my email is brookemonsen@gmail.com

  4. Emily, you are one strong woman!!! Keep up the positive attitude and when you need to cry just do it! It always made me feel better to just release everything emotionally that I had been holding inside!!! You guys will be blessed with a family!!! Love ya!

  5. Stay in there girl! You are so strong and this is going to make you guys the best parents! I'm always there if you need anything. Do something fun in the meantime you guys deserve it!

  6. oh Em! I'm so sorry!! I know exactly how you feel and know that all those back and forth emotions are normal. It is all so hard and it will be each month until you finally become pregnant which I have no doubt that you will even though I'm sure you question it right now. It will all work out in the end it just takes a whole lot of patience and trust. Keep trying to stay positive. I was doing fertility 6 months then the month we took a break we got pregnant, so never lose hope! Love you girl!!!

  7. Emily, I always read your blog for updates on all of this. I am so sorry that you have this trial and I admire you for your strength and courage. You're right, everything will work out and Heavenly Father does love you very much and knows what is best. We think of you guys often. :)

  8. Gosh girl, your story made me cry. I think because we are going through such a similar experience at the same time. This entire thing has been so hard on me & emotionally I am just DONE. Your blog & quotes have inspired me to chin up & have a little faith. Some months I am awesome & am totally optimistic, unfortunately I haven't been on the up-swing this month. GOOD LUCK with everything & I will keep you in my prayers. Hoping we BOTH can be blessed with this soon xoxoxo

  9. Your optimism & faith is inspiring. I'm always thinking of you! Love you more than words em.

    Come visit me em, and we can drink our sorrows away over a frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity. :)

  10. Right there with you girl- IUI is next on our list. We have an appointment in a few weeks.... I love your goals for this month.

  11. Oh Em, I wish I could just put a healthy, beautiful baby in your tummy for you! I will be so thrilled the day I hear you are pregnant. You have an amazing outlook on your situation. I am so proud of you. I will be praying a little baby blesses your lives soon! I wish this wasn't a trial anyone had to go through. It's truly heartbreaking.