.Peculiar Baby. {6} Hopeful

It's been one year...sigh...never did I think that I would be that girl in the friend group who had a difficult time getting pregnant, never. I've been healthy my entire life, never have I taken anything to harm my body. So to find myself in this position is so weird, but I am totally ok and at peace with this whole process. I promised myself from the get-go that I wouldn't be "that" girl who complained and cried over not being able to get pregnant as easily as some, however I am human and so I have cried myself a few times and have had to leave a baby shower or two early because it just got too hard for me. I have an amazing big sister to look up to and go to for any questions and advice during this whole process and that has helped me out so much. Every day I want to be more like her.
What's been happening: I have been taking Fermara for 6 months now, with no luck. I told myself I would give it a good solid year before going into a Fertility Specialist. I called at the beginning of July to make an appointment thinking it would take me oh a good 2-3 months to get into Dr. Moffitt at ARMS, but lucky for me they had an opening 9 days later. My big sis had prepped me for the first consultation, which I was very relieved she did or else I am sure I would have been crying like a baby and more emotional than I already was. Her information also helped Dr. M know what type of test he wants to try and run first.
The 1st Initial Consultation: Levi and I sat down with Dr. M in his office for about 45minutes, going over different options. The best case scenario's and the worst case scenario's. (To be honest, I wasn't ready to hear the worst case, so I let that go in one ear and out the other. I figure we will cross that path if needed and prep for it at that time.) After the consultation he did a full exam to make sure everything was good and healthy before continuing on with future treatments, I passed with flying colors-phew. We will be starting with the basics, as I expected. I have a procedure that has to be done on a "certain" day of the month, which just so happens to be tomorrow, (sorry boss for the last minute notice) along with blood work. Levi and I both have to take antibiotics tonight and tomorrow morning, for what reason I am not sure of, but they said it puts us one step closer, so I said okay! Then after my procedure tomorrow, I will go in again in about 2-3 weeks to have more test done, ultrasounds and blood work. (That is of course if I am not preggers)
After leaving Dr. M's office I felt very reassured and hopeful. Knowing that everything really is going to be ok. The nurse had a lot of information to tell me and paper work to read. She also reassured me that I don't have to memorize everything, and that they will go through step by step with me at each appointment so I am never feeling confused. Those 90minutes were like a job interview, you go in so anxious and nervous that when you leave you can hardly remember what was said! At least that is how I felt anyway :) Luckily Levi was there for everything and has a better memory than I do. But that is also why I feel that it is important for me to write about it, so I can remember and help others go through what I am going through.
I know there can be dozens of reason on why I haven't been able to go pregnant yet. We have checked everything off the list that we could have done and that is why we have chosen to go see a specialist. The awesome thing about this whole process is tho, I know without a doubt that it is 100% the Lord's timing. Some may say that they will just let nature take it's course, and that it totally fine. But for me,  I feel  that Heavenly Father put these incredible doctors here on earth to help us learn and grow through these hard times. And to help us find answers. I have learned a lot the past 12 months and have been so thankful for every trial that has been put in my path. I have an incredible husband who is so loving, positive and supportive through it all.
I have a 100% chance of becoming a mom, and that to me is the greatest blessing to look forward to. (Thanks C&C for that)


  1. Love your positive attitude. Yes, the lord has his hand in all things. I think about you all the time. You are in our prayers every day ;-) Love you two.

  2. I know exactly how you feel and how crazy of a process fertility treatment is. We are so lucky to have the gospel in our lives without that this all would be so much harder. The antibiotics for you both are to prevent you or levi from getting an infection with all the different testing and things going in your body. Call me if you ever have any questions or need someone to talk to. Love you girl and without a doubt I know Heavenly Father has a plan for you and knows much more than we do!

  3. oh Em! girl i feel ya... we've been trying now for 2 years! I also never felt like I was gonna be "that" girl in my friends group who is having a difficult time getting preggers. I go through times where I am SO happy for those of my friends that are pregnant and other times where I just hate them because they are on their 3rd child while I can even make one!
    I am in total agreement with you about Heavenly Father putting these incredible doctors here in our paths to help and guide us through this emotional process. What a trying experience it is!
    I really really hope that this works for you!!! and If it does, please let me know. I think this might be our next step... good luck girl!!!!! :)

  4. I can relate. Chris & I were at 20mo. of trying and just recently went through the whole test taking ordeal. (I think I know which test you are referring to on a certain day of month..I've been there!) Now we have answers, that aren't particularly great (but at least not hopeless) and are doing our best to deal with the information & decide what to do next.

    I think you're so brave! Hang in their pretty girl! You will be a beautiful, wonderful, amazing mother...and I know it WILL happen for you. Your faith and positive attitude are admirable & I am hoping it happens sooner rather than later for you guys!

  5. I have been thinking about you lately and wondering how things were going, thanks for sharing your story Emily! I know it's not easy but you have such a great attitude and I know you guys will receive answers to your prayers! Love you guys!

  6. Oh wow Emily! I am so so so sorry to hear that this is y'all's challenge. What a roller coaster of feelings, huh? You have a fabulous attitude and seem to be trying EVERYTHING that you can. And I know that is all Heavenly Father expects from you. But sometimes that doesn't help the pain to go away. I'm not gonna tell you to hang in there because I know your strong-willed self will totally do just that.

    During our infertility, I happened to see an article on the online Ensign for April that read "Faith and Infertility." My heart was pricked a few times throughout the article. Especially from one experience a woman had...

    She recalls a Sunday School lesson in which a bishopric member shared an important message about faith—one she’s clung to ever since. He said, “When someone has an ailment or an illness and they are healed as the result of a blessing, their faith is being strengthened. But for those who aren’t healed but continue faithful, their faith is being perfected. The first is a faith-promoting experience. The second is faith-perfecting.”

    This girl's experience is a hope that carried with me for a long time through the different stages of infertility.
    Ps. I just blogged a novel on our story, haha. Good luck hun!